Building Trust in Relationships: The Power of Small Moments
Building trust in a relationship is like crafting a detailed mosaic art piece, made up of many small moments. The beauty of relationships is that you don't need to be a skilled artist, or even get it right every time. What truly matters is how you and your partner handle these small, everyday moments.
In these small moments, showing your partner that you're there for them strengthens your relationship. It answers basic questions: Are you there for me? Can I depend on you? Will you be emotionally available when I need you?
It's important to understand how your partner asks for emotional support. This will allow you to respond positively, showing them that you are there for them. Two crucial steps are needed here: creating an environment of fondness and appreciation, and acknowledging their attempts to connect with you.
Let’s explore these connection attempts...
Growing Your Bond with Your Partner
An attempt to connect, or a "connection bid," is any small gesture that seeks to create a bond or expresses an emotional need to your partner. Understanding these connection bids can lead you on the path to building trust. If you don’t know what these are, pay attention to your partner’s gestures. It could be them asking you to sit next to them while watching TV, or a simple comment about the weather. Responding to these bids, or 'turning towards' them, can be a simple acknowledgment or a pause to pay full attention.
Here are some examples:
Gesture: Let’s take the dog for a walk | Meaning: Spend some time with me
Gesture: I had a hard day at work | Meaning: help me de-stress
Gesture: Come cuddle with me while watching TV | Meaning: let’s be affectionate
Research by Dr. John Gottman found that happy, long-term couples responded to these connection bids about 86% of the time. On the other hand, couples who ended up separating only responded about 33% of the time. So, it's essential to recognize when your partner is trying to connect.
Understanding Your Partner's Emotions
Being a good listener is more challenging than it seems. You need to set aside your thoughts and feelings, and focus solely on your partner. Show interest and express empathy. Interest can be shown by asking questions, using body language, and controlling the tone of your voice. Empathy is about showing that you care about their experience.
Support your partner in what they are sharing. This isn't the time to question how they contributed to the problem. Instead, ask what they would like or need from you. A listening ear? Or help solving the problem? Offering unsolicited solutions, though well-meaning, might imply that your partner can't figure it out themselves.
By demonstrating that you understand and care for each other, moment by moment, you and your partner can build a solid foundation of trust. Your relationship becomes a beautiful mosaic of trust, reliability, and emotional support, creating a bond that is unique to you both.
Carrie
Helping couples grow closer and stronger