After the Holidays: Why January Can Challenge Your Relationship
The holiday season—a time of joy, connection, and let’s be honest, chaos. Between family gatherings, financial pressures, and the sheer weight of heightened expectations, it’s a wonder anyone emerges unscathed. And then comes January. The festive sparkle fades, leaving room for unresolved relationship tensions to bubble to the surface.
In this blog, we’ll explore why the holidays can be emotionally triggering, how New Year’s resolutions can stir up strong feelings, and why January is the perfect time for self-reflection and meaningful change—even if it feels a little daunting.
Surviving the Holiday Aftermath: Why the Holidays Can Be Triggering
Unrealistic Expectations
We’re sold a picture-perfect version of the holidays: happiness, togetherness, and harmony. But reality? Not so much. Family conflicts, financial stress, and pre-existing relationship struggles can transform the “most wonderful time of the year” into an emotional minefield.
Example: Maybe your partner withdrew during family events, leaving you to shoulder the emotional labour of keeping everything afloat. That sense of isolation can linger into January, making unresolved tensions harder to ignore—especially if ADHD in either partner impacts emotional regulation or communication.
Emotional Exhaustion
Planning, hosting, navigating tricky family dynamics—it’s a lot. By the time January hits, you might feel like you’ve been running an emotional marathon without a finish line. For those with ADHD, the added mental load of holiday organisation can lead to burnout.
Trigger: Old wounds or longstanding family tensions often resurface during the holidays, shining a harsh light on underlying issues in your relationship. ADHD may amplify this by making it harder to process or respond to these triggers calmly.
End-of-Year Reflection
The end of the year tends to inspire introspection. Questions like, “Am I truly happy?” or “Are my relationships fulfilling?” can bring clarity—or unease.
Example: Looking back on a challenging year might make you realise recurring patterns in your relationship that need addressing. For couples where one or both partners have ADHD, these patterns might include struggles with follow-through or feeling misunderstood.
New Year, New Boundaries: The Strong Emotions Behind Resolutions
A Fresh Start—With Pressure
Resolutions symbolise hope for change, but they can also amplify frustrations about what isn’t working. For couples, this can mean different priorities or unmet needs.
Example: You’ve resolved to prioritise self-care, only to feel unsupported by your partner when you try to carve out time for yourself. For ADHD partners, balancing self-care with relationship demands can feel overwhelming.
The Need for Control
January often feels like a chance to regain control after the chaos of the holidays. This might extend beyond personal goals to evaluating your relationships.
Example: You may realise it’s time to step away from toxic dynamics or start advocating for what you truly need. ADHD can make boundary-setting feel especially daunting, but small, actionable steps can help.
Hope vs. Fear
Resolutions are inherently hopeful, but they can also bring fears of failure or regrets about the past. When you and your partner have different visions for the year ahead, it can create tension. ADHD can heighten this tension by making emotional regulation more challenging. Take a deep breath. Clarity comes with time.
Drawing the Line: Deciding What You’re No Longer Going to Accept
Acknowledging Patterns
The new year is a golden opportunity to recognise what isn’t serving you. Identify toxic behaviours, imbalances in effort, or areas where you’ve sidelined your own needs. For couples with ADHD, this might mean recognising where communication breakdowns or impulsive reactions have caused strain.
Radical Acceptance
Start by acknowledging what you can’t change about your partner or circumstances, and focus on what you can control—your choices. It’s not about giving up; it’s about letting go of what’s outside your power.
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t ultimatums; they’re about protecting your emotional well-being. Clear communication is key, especially for ADHD partners who may struggle with memory or clarity.
Example: “I will no longer stay in conversations where my feelings are dismissed. I need respectful communication to feel secure.” This isn’t being difficult—it’s being kind to yourself.
Committing to Yourself
Shift your mindset to personal growth. Waiting for others to change keeps you stuck; taking responsibility for your happiness sets the tone for the year. ADHD partners might find it helpful to use tools like reminders or visual cues to stay on track.
Practical Steps to Reset: Actionable Tips for a Fresh Start
Reflect on Holiday Triggers
Spend time journaling or reflecting on moments that felt stressful or hurtful.
Prompt: “What patterns or behaviours stood out during the holidays that I don’t want to repeat this year?”
Set Intentional Resolutions
Focus on improving relationships rather than generic goals.
Example: “I will prioritise open and honest communication” or “I will focus on relationships that are mutually supportive.” For ADHD partners, breaking these goals into smaller, manageable steps can boost success.
Take Small Steps to Set Boundaries
Start practising assertiveness in low-stakes scenarios.
Scenario: A partner ignores your need for alone time. Response: “I love spending time with you, but I also need quiet moments to recharge.” Practising scripts can help you feel more prepared.
Create a Vision for Your Year
Imagine what a fulfilling relationship looks like and let that guide your decisions.
Prompt: “What qualities do I want to cultivate in my relationships this year?” Visual aids or shared calendars can help ADHD couples stay aligned.
For Example…
Emily spent the holidays juggling family events, gift-giving, and meal prep. Her partner, James, was physically present but emotionally checked out, leaving her feeling unsupported. By January, Emily decided she’d had enough. She sat down with James to negotiate a new set of boundaries: “I need us to divide responsibilities more equally next year. Let’s start by planning birthdays together.”
For couples where ADHD plays a role, Emily’s approach of clear communication and shared planning tools can create a more supportive dynamic.
Conclusion
January might feel challenging, but it’s also an opportunity for growth. By identifying holiday triggers, setting thoughtful resolutions, and deciding what you will and won’t tolerate, you can approach the new year with clarity and confidence.
Remember, the most important tools for navigating change are self-awareness and self-compassion. Be kind to yourself as you set the foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling year. You’ve got this.
Next Blog Teaser
Feeling like your partner’s personal growth depends on you? Stay tuned for our next blog: “How to Step Out of the Rescuer Role and Support Growth Without Sacrificing Your Own.”